


Journal

by missblatherskite



Category: Scream (TV)
Genre: F/F, brooke/stavo is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 23:45:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14123445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missblatherskite/pseuds/missblatherskite
Summary: Brooke begins to keep a journal.





	Journal

She started the journal a few months after Kieran was caught, when the pain over her dad was no longer as large an open wound (but still there, it would always be there). She took the idea from Emma, but took weeks to start. She was scared someone would find it and read it. She was scared to open herself up in a way that was tangible, that she couldn’t pretend she never said, a way that wouldn’t allow her to forget what had happened and what she felt. Eventually, the need to say something, to not censor herself as she did talking to Stavo, or Emma, or the rest of the group won, and she bought a light blue journal with wide lines. She’d fill it up sooner then, if she hated it, and her attempt wouldn’t feel as unfinished.

 

It was awkward and stilted at first, she would write a paragraph or two about her day, maybe slipping in a mention of a flashback, of a moment when she thought she saw a knife out of the corner of her eye. But she held back until one night when she woke up from a nightmare, drenched in sweat and ready to scream in fear. It was so easy to pick it off her nightstand and write, and write, and write everything that had happened, everything she saw that made it hard to sleep at night. She filled page after page, smudging the words with tears.

 

After that writing was comfortable, a comfort at the end of the day. She wrote about her feelings and events of the day equally, all the good and all the bad. She wrote about her breakup with Stavo and how much it hurt. She wrote about how much she loved just being friends with him. Every sentence, every entry made her feel a little lighter.

 

For all she and Stavo remained close there was still pain, there was still space needed to lose the last echo of feelings. To her surprise, it was Audrey who filled up her time, Audrey she went to when she was bored, or lonely, or sad. She started to creep into her journal more and more. She would write about how they spent time at the coffee shop, how her skin seemed to glow in the sun and her fingers drummed on the table. She wrote about how she smiled, the jokes she made, and the biting remarks when the conversation would briefly turn towards Kieran.

 

And one day when they were at Audrey’s house, thighs pressed together on the bed, watching a b horror movie she had talked her into trying, she realized. _She liked Audrey_. And as soon as that thought came she knew she needed to leave, needed to get to her journal and write. So she made her excuses and ran home, snatched up her journal and pen.

 

I love Audrey.

 

She hadn’t meant to write that. She hadn’t meant to say love. But as she stared at it she realized it was true. She was in love with her. It ran through her, warmth filling her veins. She felt light, she felt happy. She’d never loved a girl, never thought of one like that. But now she did and it didn’t scare her.

 

So she wrote about love. She let page after page fill up each day, mostly dedicated to her. 

 

And when she kissed Audrey, she wrote about that. She wrote about the warmth of her breath on her face. She wrote about her short hair in her hands. She wrote about how safe she felt, how light she felt finally showing her how she felt.

 

And when the journal was done, she picked up a new one, this one purple with thin lines, and more pages than the last. It didn’t fix her. Audrey didn’t fix her—no one thing or person could do that. But it helped. And that was all she could ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this for months because I'm not really sure what I think about it. I decided I might as well post it anyway, so let me know what you think. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome.


End file.
